Books for Sale

Between the Psychic Barber Mysteries and the Gallagher Brothers Mysteries, you have no excuse not to have a book in your hands right now.

These novels and short stories can be found anywhere online. It’s the internet!

Order hard copies of Psychic Barber Novel 1 and Novel 2.

Order eBooks of Psychic Barber, including free short stories from HERE.

Could these books prompt an Oasis reunion? Or an Oasis reunion Tour? By purchasing these books, are you helping an Oasis reunion confirm? Definitely.

The Beatles’ White Album as One Disc

Truly, everyone has done this: try to get the Beatles’ White Album down to just one platter. While no easy task, it’s also something of a rite of passage for music/Beatles fans. The White Album contains some of the group’s best, worst, most challenging, simplest, silliest, goofiest, best-because-it’s-the-silliest songs in their collection. Its recording sessions represent a kind of low point for the group, emotionally, only to be topped by the next album’s sessions (and the period after the NEXT album’s sessions). 

How do you do it? How did I do it? It wasn’t easy, inasmuch as it took almost 30 years to get to the point where it took me an hour. 

Here’s Side One: 

“Yesterday” Film Watched, Generally Loathed

It’s saying something about the craft of filmmaking at play that I finished “Yesterday,” the 2019 romcom about a struggling songwriter who — after getting hit by a bus — wakes up in a world where the Beatles never existed. 

I’d been meaning to see it for a while, and once I did, it hit me: I hate this. 

Using Artistic Anonymity For Good

I recently watched this video by YouTuber Pillboy. I haven’t watched anything else, so if something turns out unsavory or off base, just know that I’m only talking about that one particular video. In it, he talks about the exploitation of Blaxploitation — how Hollywood studios took the trappings of an independent film movement, eliminated anything to do with questioning authority or pushing forward a certain agenda, and made movies which highlighted Black suffering and Black stereotypes. Related to this, he goes on to talk about the recent wave of Tubi movies made by other independent Black filmmakers, and how their movies seem to only display similar anti-Black sentiments (suffering and stereotypes). 

The video’s good, and while I am not a Black artist myself, I found a certain kinship with its message. On the surface, I agreed with Pillboy that it would be great if independent Black voices ignored the trappings of White Supremacy and told stories that “mattered.” Deeper down though, I agreed with the universal sentiment expressed here: that there is power in independence artistry and anonymity. 

The Missing Middleton Mystery: Timeline of the RKid Saga

Well, it’s solved: Princess Kate Middleton has turned up at last. As we expected, there was no official acknowledgement by her or her family of Noel and Liam Gallagher’s help in the matter, but if you watch the video and count the number of times she blinks, it’s Morse code for “Nice one, lads.”

For the convenience of future generations and the historians whose gratitude will know no bounds once they uncover this bountiful, historical treasure trove of treasures. 

So, for posterity and for all time, the official non-factual timeline of fake elements in the Kate Middleton adventure, and how Noel and Liam Gallagher used their detective skills to help…

Christmas Day, 2023: Kate’s last public appearance. 

Missing Middleton Mystery Leads Gallaghers to Cosplay

Even more dispatches from Noel Gallagher’s not-top-security-enough case files. Oh, you haven’t heard? Amateur sleuth Noel Gallagher has been A.) commissioned and ordered by the British Royal Crown to investigate the mystery around Kate Middleton’s disappearance while B.) having to work with his estranged brother, Liam. So far they’ve interviewed the remaining Royals, interviewed their professional doubles and slept in the palace. He posts infrequently, but that’s fine, because his progress is infrequent as well.

Day 11.5: Another cracker of a fucking day. So me and RKid, we get wind of these secret tunnels running about through Kensington, and together we said, “I’m having that.” Say what you will about our relationship, but here? Least we found something to agree about.

The problem came in finding them. They’re secrets, naturally, so it’s not like they appear on any map. But it hits my brother, the fucking genius, “We get into disguises and follow the fuckers through to them passages.”

At this point, should I have stopped the whole enterprise? Was it worth all this mucking about? I mean, what was I gonna fucking learn about our wayward princess by skulking around some dingy, dusty fucking tunnels? How do I know anything worthwhile will be down there just ‘cause they’re fucking secrets? On the other hand, they ARE fucking secrets, and my mind was dead set on seeing them.

The “easiest” (meaning “most obvious”) choice of costumes were the Beefeaters, seeing as we’d already clocked their laundry area. The Singer bribes one of the cleaners to let us nick some jackets and hats, and we were just about off.

Emphasis on “just fucking about.” You could dress my brother in a full gorilla suit with mask and all, cover up every spitting bit of his arse so nobody could see who it was, but as soon as he has to move or fucking speak, the fucking jig is tits up. So who does it fall to for getting this plan in working order? Only the same unlucky fucker who wrote the biggest albums of the Nineties, thank you. I coached RKid on every bit, as I’d done countless times prior (not true; I have counted and likely so have you). Still, a dollop of small delight was captured in watching him struggle to get one of those giant hats over his even-more-massive skull.

We waited for a change in the guard because that made the most sense in this mad plan. Then a few of the guards peeled away, so we peel, too. They go downstairs, so do we. They stow their spears, so do we. Then one of them starts humming a Robbie Williams song and my brother can’t hack it. Suddenly, Mr. Super Disguise is all, “Come off it, you cunts, we can’t be having that shite ‘round here” and our day was cooked.

More to come as this fake story surely unfolds in more fake ways.

More Fake Rumors in Missing Middleton Mystery: Noel and Liam Search Royal Apartment

Another NSFW dispatch from the very well-maintained and real fake case files of Noel Gallagher, rock star turned amateur sleuth. 

A recap, real quick: we all know Kate Middleton hasn’t been seen for days, going on weeks/months. But what we’ve only just learned is — despite all evidence and reasoning but because they’re just excellent amateur detectives — warring brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher have been hired by the Crown to find the wayward princess. They interrogated the King previously, as well as some of the official royal body doubles. We know this because of the unprecedented access to Noel’s fake case files which are totally “real.”