A Letter to Kevin Smith


Please verify my non-craziness with Misty Lee. I once got her and her husband to be part of a Christmas living nativity scene with me. No joke. Anyway… 

I’ve listened to “Fat Man On Batman” since inception because it’s right up my alley, which is probably the same alley* from which you conceived of the show: obsessing over Batman is fun. It’s the Bat-fan’s equivalent of ESPN for football fans. You can relive all the highlights, nitpick the fumbles and continue to live that world. For that, thank you. You’re an excellent dealer of this virtual crack cocaine.

However, while I’ve enjoyed the focus of the show as well, it seems to have been centered primarily on the “B:TAS” world and its off-shoots, and secondarily on recent comics, movies and the like. Don’t get me wrong: this makes sense. The Animated Batman is “my Batman,” as well, so I’ve enjoyed ever minute. But you have all but ignored the 90’s franchise, which is strange considering how much time you’ve spoken about the TRAILER to the 1989 movie (again, don’t get me wrong. That trailer is phenomenal). For some (and partly myself, a little) that is “Their Batman,” and the success of that first film cannot be denied. Also, it holds up better than people give it credit for. Sure, there are changes I’m not a fan of, but the general theme and tone of “Batman being super cool” is amazing to this day.

So, Number 1, if you’re looking for topics, I suggest that. You could host roundtables about the movies, compare the three actors who played Batman during that period, and/or do a commentary track. If nothing else, it’s a great excuse to watch Batman for 8 more hours.

Number 2 — and this is the selfish part — I think you need a co-commentator. But who? Those movies are kind of out of favor, what with the success of the Nolan franchise. I’m sure you’ve struggled to find an adequate person with very limited popularity to talk about how, say, the Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman is actually the best version of that character. Don’t worry. I’m here to help.

I would offer myself for that role.

Before you say “No way,” please consider what you’d gain from this partnership:

A.) Ties to my network of nearly 330 Twitter followers!

B.) A direct link to the improv comedy community, a world filled with nothing but dollar signs.

C.) A chance to see this Batman statue my wife made, which is pretty bad-ass, especially when you consider the assignment was to make a self-portrait.

Rachel's "Self Portrait." Explains a lot.

Explains a lot.

D.) A glamorous, unconnected writer neighbor living in North Hollywood.

E.) Free snacks (I would bring snacks).

So at the very least, seriously, please consider doing a commentary track on one or all of those Burton/Schumacher movies. I know it would be fun and deliver that does of Bat-chat fans like I have come to love.

Above and beyond, if you wanna give a struggling writer a break (from doing laundry) and talk about Batman in a very public way, I would be honored to do you this favor.

Thank you very much. And keep up the great work.

*This would be “Crime Alley.”


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